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What Women Really Think About Impotence

When confronted with their partner's sexual dysfunction, a woman's emotions are complex. The TV commercials make it all seem so simple: He can't get an erection so he pops a pill. The next thing you know, his partner is cooing about how her guy is back to his old wild and romantic self. What the commercials don't show you: The painful distress a woman can experience when her man suffers with impotence. Women internalize things - they tend to blame themselves first.

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The first thing a woman thinks when a man can't get an erection is that it's her fault. Some women may fear they are no longer attractive to their partner or that her partner doesn't love her any more, or that his attitude is the result of something she may have done. Others may worry: "Is something wrong with our relationship?" Or, "Is he having an affair?" Thus, a man's failure to communicate his condition may contribute to feelings of anxiety or depression in his partner, or lead her to express anger and frustration. Women who measure their self-esteem, femininity and desirability by how well men respond sexually, are particularly vulnerable to fears of abandonment and rejection. Women may worry that their mates may be impotent with them, but potent with other women, leaving them with fantasies of betrayal and infidelity.

Another strong emotion the partners of impotent men often feel is the fear that he may be physically ill. After all, it's generally known that about 85-90 percent of erectile problems are caused by an existing medical condition. Despite their worry, many women are reluctant to suggest that their partner see a doctor. Sometimes, both partners see a doctor. Sometimes, both partners avoid the issue entirely and pretend that everything is fine. This attitude can intensify anger or depression.

Blaming himself, ashamed of himself, and fearful of the future, all his thoughts are focused on his inability to perform. He may sometimes forget the parts he can still do - kissing, fondling, caressing, and speaking of his love. His mind focuses not on giving pleasure to his partner, but on trying to meet his own performance standards. Whether intentional or unintentional, these actions can make a woman feel inadequate within the relationship, often resulting in rejection, loneliness and depression.

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