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A guide to restoring romance

We live in an age of "quick fixes", and while it's true that erectile dysfunction medications can quickly help overcome physiological and psychological problems, it's the couple who must resolve their relationship issues. While "the magic pill" may effectively restore erectile function, it may not "cure" intimacy, romance or monogamy issues.

The loss or even restoration of erectile function can quickly and unexpectedly alter the dynamics of a relationship, particularly when impotence has been a long-term problem. New and unfamiliar pressures can be exerted on both partners and it's often a time when a couple needs to seriously evaluate the health of their relationship.

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For many women sex is of secondary importance to the relationship and they tend to lay a greater emphasis on romance rather than sex. Romance does not mean sex (although it can lead to that). Romance is the method to express with attention the feelings of love and affection you have for your partner. This is an important means of communication between partners. This is not necessarily referring to the physical attraction you have. Sex is for that. This is for displaying the respect and honor you have for your partner and their love that they are freely giving you.

The biggest emphasis in learning to be romantic is your mindset. Romance is a conscious effort to think about and care for your partner. The first step is to make a decision that you want to be a romantic. The next step is to recognize the fact that you must honor your partner's individuality. Your partner is his/her own unique person. They are not property to own, or take for granted. They are not slaves to order around. They are not in the relationship to become another you. They are sharing their love and life with you, of their own choice. This is a gift to be cherished and appreciated. Realise that your partner should be your friend first, your lover second and your spouse third. Work on that mindset.

Be giving. You don't have to spend a lot of money, or in some cases any money...but you need to make sure your giving is done with real love and caring, not just as an act because you feel it's what your partner wants. Be true to yourself and your partner.

Make doing romantic things a habit. Romance gets easier the more you do it. There are two main reasons for this. One, once a pattern of romance is established, your partner will find romance in the simplest things you do, because they know you love them and are giving to them.

Kiss. Go up to your partner and give them a hug and a kiss. Almost any time is a good time, but during "unexpected" times is extra nice. Sure this sounds simple, but so many couples in the rush of life forget to take the time to share kisses.

Write. Just a small piece of paper with "I love you" on it can be used in so many ways. From notes in their lunches, to sitting on the dashboard of the car, to hidden in their wallet, purse or briefcase, to laying on their pillow, to being on their dinner plate, to taped to their watch, stuck to the handle of the refrigerator to just anywhere. Whatever you decided to write, from simple notes to poetry to full-blown love letters, letting your partner know they are in your thoughts is one of the nicest things you can do for them.

Talk. Tell your partner that you love them. Tell them often. Tell them something they do that you like. Tell them that you are enchanted by them, fascinated by them, enamored of them, overwhelmed by them, captivated by them. Tell them how much you want them in your life.

Listen. There are several ways this is important. It is important to listen to the things your partner is telling you about their day, their wants and their dreams. Being someone they can share with and let steam off to makes you a close friend as well as being a partner. Don't let this opportunity escape.

Touch. There is something special about tactile sensation. When the opportunity presents itself, hold your partner's hand. Particularly when walking together, whether this is at a park, in a mall or just into the house from the car. This lets them know that you like to be with them, that you're thinking of them, that you find them desirable.It is important that your partner knows you like to touch them for other reasons than sex.

Teasing & Horseplay. Fun is an important and serious matter in a relationship. Take the time to play with your partner. Whether this is an actual board game, a sport game, a videogame, a computer game that you share or something else such as watching a movie together, spending "downtime" together is a must.

Courtesy. This is very important. Romance also deals with courtesy and chivalry. Being courteous shows that you respect your partner. Remember to be polite with your partner. Remember to say "Thank you" and "Please". Show them that you appreciate the gift of their company in your life.

Compliment. This does not mean idle platitudes. They should be honest sincere thoughts you give your partner about themselves and their actions. Each day try to find something to compliment your partner on.

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